


On Thin Ice

by starlightwalking



Series: the world as we know it [14]
Category: The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Relationship Discussions, Snow and Ice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-11
Updated: 2020-12-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:14:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28001496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlightwalking/pseuds/starlightwalking
Summary: A trip to Fingon's childhood home brings back some unexpectedly distressing memories.
Relationships: Fingon | Findekáno/Maedhros | Maitimo
Series: the world as we know it [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1651942
Comments: 14
Kudos: 31





	On Thin Ice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AdmirableMonster (Mertiya)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mertiya/gifts).



> Context for this: It's the holiday season, and Maedhros goes home with Fingon for a weekend. Set not quite six months after the Reveal.
> 
> I know I said next up in this series would be more on Aredhel, but then Azh wrote a modern AU featuring Finno and ice and I was inspired! Read their AU [here](https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044087) :D

“That was romantic,” Fingon hummed, snuggling up close to Maedhros as they walked through the snowy streets.

“Hmm?” Maedhros said, startled out of his thoughts, imagining himself on one knee proposing to Fingon, of his own mother’s face lit with joy as Finno said yes, of...well. That was presuming a bit. It hadn’t even been six months since the whole...cousin fiasco. He and Fingon were more stable now, but uh. Maybe getting engaged was going too fast.

Fingon elbowed him fondly. “You know what I mean. Turno and Elenwë!” He sighed. “I guess I always knew my little brother would get married before I did, if I even did at all, but it’s weird to think about it now that it’s real.”

Maedhros coughed. “Um. Do you not want to...? I mean, things have changed, but like...you used to say...”

“Maedhros,” Fingon said, exasperated, pulling him into a swift kiss. “It’s not that I didn’t _want_ to get married, not like Aredhel, just that I couldn’t imagine someone else who wanted to marry me.”

“Um,” Maedhros said, and like, they’d talked about this, but that had been _before_ , and now it was _after_ , and he really didn’t know where to go with this, but—honesty. Communication. It wasn’t easy, but it was always the right thing to do. “Finno, I...I mean, I kind of thought the same thing too, before I met you.”

“Babe,” Fingon said, squeezing his hand. “You’re beautiful, Mae, you’re the most amazing boyfriend ever, of course you can have that if you want it.”

And still they were dancing around it. “I do want it, but...just with—you,” he admitted. “I know we haven’t talked about that since...everything...but that hasn’t changed.”

Fingon stopped walking and turned to face him, his eyes reflecting the glow of the streetlights. “I want that too,” he whispered. “I...Maedhros, when I thought we might break up, last summer, that was the scariest thing in the world. And when we _didn’t_ , I knew...well, it wasn’t the time to bring it up, but I know there’s no one else for me. Just you.”

Maedhros’ face was already red from the cold, but he blushed even redder. “I love you,” he croaked.

Fingon stroked his cheek, murmuring, “Let’s not steal Turno’s moment, but...if you asked, I’d say yes, Mae.”

Maedhros’ heart skipped a beat. “I—me too,” he whispered. “I mean. If you asked. I don’t—we’re both guys, I guess, I don’t know the, uh, etiquette? But...”

Fingon took his hand. “We can work out the details later, when we’re sure it’s the right time,” he said, his brown eyes warm. “But...as long as I’m with you, the only thing that matters is us.”

They walked hand in hand for a little longer, wandering through Fingon’s childhood neighborhood. Even despite the snow, Maedhros felt warm just being with his boyfriend. Finno regaled him with a story of a dog who lived in the green house at the end of the lane that would always chase Turgon every time she saw him, and how Turno was afraid of dogs for years after that, until his first girlfriend’s friendly puppy helped him get over it.

After a while they came to a little park. Fingon laughed softly, shaking his head at the sight. “Man, I forgot about this place. We used to come here all the time when we were kids...”

“I like seeing where you grew up,” Maedhros admitted, staring at the park with a smile. “I’m sure you were the cutest little kid.”

Fingon rolled his eyes. “All little kids are cute.”

“But you’re the cutest,” Maedhros teased, reaching out to boop his nose. “I can just imagine tiny Finno—tinier than you are now, I mean—”

“ _Mae_ dhros—!”

“—running up and down that bridge, squirming down the slide on his stomach, kicking his sandals off on the swings...” Maedhros brushed snow off Fingon’s shoulder, pleased at the way his boyfriend was blushing. “Oh, look, is that a pond?”

He took off through the snow, and discovered it _was_ a pond. It wasn’t that big, but he couldn’t tell how deep it was given the ice that covered it. He prodded the edge with his boot, testing its thickness, wondering if this would be a good spot for ice skating.

“Finno,” he called, expecting Fingon had followed him, “did you ever skate here? Or swim, in the summertime?”

No answer. The ice seemed sturdy enough, and Maedhros took a few steps out, spreading his arms to keep his balance. He’d be dreadfully embarrassed if he slipped and fell on his ass.

“Finno?” Maedhros asked again.

“M-Maedhros!” Fingon’s voice was a thin squeak. “M-Mae, don’t—please don’t—it’s d-deep, you’ll _fall_ , I can’t—don’t—”

Maedhros turned around, concerned, and froze as he saw the terror in Fingon’s eyes. “Fin?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

Fingon wrung his hands. “I will be if you—please—come b-back...”

Maedhros frowned at the ice beneath his feet. It seemed fine? But if Fingon was upset it wasn’t worth whatever mild enjoyment he might get from sliding around. He stepped back, the ice crunching beneath his feet.

“ _Maedhros!_ ”

“It’s okay, I’m okay,” Maedhros called. Fingon seemed frozen to the spot, utterly terrified in a way Maedhros had never seen him. It was deeply concerning, and he jumped the rest of the way back to the shoreline. His right foot pushed through the ice at the very edge, and he winced as freezing water soaked his shoe, but aside from a wet sock, he was fine.

And yet—at the sound of the cracking ice, Fingon fell to his knees in the snow, his shoulders shaking. “M-Mae,” he croaked, and Maedhros ran over to him, crouching down next to him and hugging him tight.

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, I’m alright,” Maedhros murmured, rubbing his boyfriend’s back, pressing kisses to the top of his head. Fingon shook and sobbed into his chest, and Maedhros felt almost as scared as he was. What—what was this? Fingon had never acted like this before, he was always so brave, he was the one who took risks...

“Mae,” Fingon whispered, clinging to him. “Mae...”

“Let’s get back to the house, okay?” Maedhros said. “We can have hot chocolate, and sit by the fire, we can curl up under a blanket...does that sound alright?”

Mutely, Fingon nodded, pressing even closer to him. “Maedhros,” he said, as if Maedhros’ name was the only word he knew.

Maedhros tried to pull Fingon to his feet, but his boyfriend was limp and heavy. He chuckled quietly to hide his concern. “Do you want me to carry you back?” He wasn’t like, super strong or anything, but he was significantly bigger than his boyfriend, and the house wasn’t far. He could probably manage.

“Mhm,” Fingon hummed, squeezing his hand. “If...if that’s okay with you...”

“Of course it is.” Maedhros kissed his forehead, then bent down, hefting Fingon into his arms. “Oof! There we go.”

His right foot was almost numb by the time they got back to the house, but Fingon relaxed the further they got from the pond, and he was pressing very distracting open-mouthed kisses into Maedhros’ neck as they hurried inside. Maedhros suddenly remembered what they’d been talking about before the park, and flushed even deeper than he was already from the cold and Fingon’s ministrations. He was practically bridal carrying his boyfriend across the threshold!

“Maedhros! Fingon! What happened?” Anairë asked as Maedhros gently set Finno down by the fireplace.

“I’m...not really sure?” Maedhros admitted. Fingon clung to him even still, and Maedhros was loath to leave him, even to take off his shoes and get hot chocolate. “I—we were at the park, and there was a pond, and then he started freaking out...”

“Maedhros,” Fingon whispered, tugging him close. “Blanket. Cuddle. Please? You said...”

Maedhros looked helplessly up at Fingon’s mother. “Could...you make us some hot chocolate?”

Anairë swallowed. “Yes, of course, anything. And...” She hesitated. “I think I know why he got upset, but that’s maybe something you boys should talk about. If you can.”

“’S fine, Mom,” Finno said, curling up so he was practically on top of Maedhros. “But yeah. Hot chocolate would be...nice.”

Maedhros peeled off his jacket, shoes, and socks as gently as he could, so as not to disturb the boyfriend on his lap, then did the same for Fingon, which required a bit more adjustments. Then he pulled a blanket off the couch and wrapped it around them both, scooting even closer to the crackling fireplace until they were so warm he could hardly bear it.

Fingon didn’t seem to mind the heat, though. He relaxed slowly, murmuring his thanks when Anairë returned with the hot chocolate, and he was almost back to normal by the time he’d swallowed the last marshmallow. He sighed, shuffling so he wasn’t putting all of his weight on Maedhros, but remained close by. Gratefully, Maedhros shrugged the blanket off a bit so it mostly just covered Fingon.

“Thank you,” Fingon whispered. “And...sorry for freaking out like that.”

Maedhros ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s...well, I mean, it’s not _fine_ , but really I’m just glad you’re okay now. You _are_ okay, right?”

“Mm. S’long as you don’t stop holding me.”

“Never,” Maedhros promised. “I’m here for you. Always.” He paused. “Um. If you feel like you can talk about it...I, uh, _would_ like to know what happened, though...?”

Fingon nodded. He rolled over so Maedhros could see his face, though he didn’t meet his eyes.

“It’s...that pond.” He shivered a little; Maedhros pulled the blanket even more snug around his shoulders. “When I was little...like, eight?...we did used to skate on the pond. Me and the neighborhood kids, we...but it’s manmade, right? Not very wide, but deep. Real deep. And—and the ice cracked, that day, and I fell in, and... I spent a night in the hospital, Mae. And I can’t...ice brings back bad memories now. Especially ice on that pond.”

“Oh, Finno,” Maedhros murmured, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have...”

“You didn’t know.” Fingon sighed. “It was so long ago—I didn’t even think to tell you, not until you were already out there...and it’s been awhile since I freaked out that badly, I just... I was scared you’d go under and I’d—I’d lose you—”

“Never,” Maedhros growled, pulling him into an embrace. “I’m never gonna leave you. Not for anything. And definitely not by doing anything as stupid as falling into a kiddy pond.”

Fingon laughed wetly, pressing his face into Maedhros’ shoulder. “Yeah, you’re probably taller than it is deep, huh? I was a lot smaller back then... Damn, I feel so stupid, I wish you hadn’t had to see me like that...”

“You’re not stupid,” Maedhros chided. “C’mon, Finno, how many times have I had a trauma reaction from something that seems dumb as hell? You’ve always been there for me, and I’ll always be here for you. I promise.”

“It’s...not really _trauma_ , I mean...what happened with you was different.” Fingon blinked. “This was years and years ago, I should be over it—”

“It’s still trauma even if it’s not the same as what fucked me up,” Maedhros said firmly. “And unfortunately there’s no expiration date on trauma, either.” He snorted. “I sound like my therapist.”

“Thanks for coming back to me,” Fingon whispered.

Maedhros kissed him softly, cradling him, wishing he could show him just how much he was loved. He settled for saying it instead. “Of course, Finno. I love you. I’ll always come back, no matter what.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting!  
> You can find me on tumblr [@arofili](http://arofili.tumblr.com/).


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